Enemies or Teammates?

Enemies or Teammates? Do you treat your spouse as a teammate with shared goals and problems, or do you treat them as an enemy? Often when I’m talking with couples I hear a lot of resentment from one towards the other. Blaming, not fair, what about me – this all feeds resentment, bitterness and anger. And boy do we see that modeled everywhere we look – in the news, on social media, etc.The interesting thing is that when you change the language from “you” are the problem to “we” have a problem together, everything changes. We both have ownership. We both can do better. We both want the same goals. If you add in “I” statements – I don’t like how I handled that – it changes further. Instead of looking at your spouse as the enemy, if you ask yourself “How could I have handled that better?” you’re no longer the victim. You have ownership and you have control. It takes two to fight. If you choose not to fight, you can avoid the fight. If you choose to take responsibility instead of blaming, things can improve. Yes – it takes two. But, it only takes one to change the dynamic.What helps is what I’ve mentioned before – gratitude. You can’t hold onto resentment and be grateful at the same time. It may be a real struggle to be grateful. So, fake it. Leave notes saying “thank you for _______” (and be specific!). Do it daily, several times a day. By “faking it” for a while, you are leading your heart. By doing something kind for your spouse, your heart will change. I double dog dare you to try it! Let me know what happens.