“…and you call yourself a Christian!”
Have you ever heard someone say that, or worse yet, been on the receiving end of a shaming message like that?
You can substitute any positive label here – ‘…and you call yourself a …..!” and the shaming message is the same. The accusation is that you wouldn’t be doing whatever it is you’re doing if you were really that thing you say you are – in the opinion of Mr. or Mrs. Judgmental.
I’ve had that happen to me, and it’s annoying. I’ve had a client shame me because I didn’t immediately offer to pray for them at the end of our first session. “Shame on you!” is what they said. Wow!
So, what to do with these shaming messages? Well, I’m of the opinion that bullies do what they do because they can get away with it. If this is a one-off situation, ignore it (if it’s safe to do so). If you’re going to deal with this person regularly, I suggest challenging this attack. Ask them what they meant, tell them you disagree, don’t appreciate it and want them to stop.
I’m a fan of talking about the elephant in the living room. I have found in my personal and professional life that things that are avoided tend to fester and it’s best to address them directly. You don’t have to be offensive, in fact, be as polite and kind as you can be, but you don’t also have to take abuse. Jesus suggested that when an enemy strikes us, we should turn the other cheek so they can strike that, too. This allows God to convict them and change their hearts. Is what I’m suggesting a contradiction of that? You decide. Let me know what you think.
God instructs and disciplines us in his love. I don’t believe that we are doing anyone any favors when we lie to them and tell them what they are doing is okay when it’s not. We devalue ourselves when we allow them to be abusive or manipulative. Value yourself enough to say NO.
Love this post? Hate it? Have any suggestions? Want to correct my Scriptural inaccuracies? Please reach out and let me know!